The universe doesn’t speak mind, it only speaks now.
How my Creation Became the Fundament of my Being
It’s time for a shift here on growthbuddy. I’m not sure what this is going to look like, but I’m sure that I want to publish more unfinished material.
Okay, to be fair, nothing here on this blog is ever finished.
Potentially all is in transition.
And this transitoriness inspires me to share more drafts here.
The more I understand how fragile and how transitory life is, the more I’m starting to trust my intuition – and the process of creation. My creative spark sometimes awakes on an early morning, sometimes it keeps me awake in the middle of the night. And what I learnt over all these years is that I better follow this spark. Otherwise I won’t get it across… “It”: this unspoken thing. The expansion and openness.
I have been trying to establish routines since I’ve started my self-development journey more than ten years ago until it dawned on me: routines are not my thing, because I’m an artist. My reality is constantly changing and so is my mode of creation.
Creation is my thing. And it only happens in the moment – not when I plan it or schedule it.
I am in transition – and that’s the beauty of it.
What I know is: My creation evolves – and it evolves me. Every single day. Every moment.
More than that: The process of creation itself nourishes me. I can’t know what it does for you.
That’s why I’m aiming to, also, publish the unsatisfactoriness (yes, that’s a term).
That’s all I know and all I need to know for now.
Happy solar return to myself.
Thoughts on Navigating Ego Death, “The Path” and Spiritual Awakening
Okay. It’s time for some stream of consciousness – from the current of my experience.
This came through after conversing with many colleagues and friends (old and new ones) over these past couple of weeks… It’s been wild!
~~
Let’s talk about ego death and spiritual awakening:
How about coming back from spiritual awakening?
What do I mean by that?
Spiritual awakening can lift us. It can crack us open. It can move us. And sometimes it moves us far from reality.
Many of you will argue: There is not one reality!
I agree and I don’t agree – depending on the perspective I choose to look from.
What is reality in the context I’m talking about?
In my perception reality is rooted in earth and thus rooted in every being on the planet, because we are made of this earth.
If we neglect our offspring, I would argue: We are not walking the path! Why? Because the path is within our substance. The path is within.
Do I practice escapism or am I going deeper?
This has been a question I kept pondering for a long long time (probably for too long by now).
Am I running away? Am I avoiding life?
Or am I digging deeper?
At this point in time I know: Expansion doesn’t happen one-directional! I’m not the one to judge if I’m on track by evaluating the distance I have passed or the goals I have reached or not reached.
Awakening happens multi-directional.
So, there is no spiritual awakening in one area of my life and a “staying asleep” in the other.
That’s what makes it so hard at times and that what makes it seem like “being stuck”.
There might be aspects that are not conscious, yes, but surely all my being is shook by awakening.
It happens everywhere, literally in every cell – and surely in every situation I’m facing.
Every situation is an invitation, a tool or a lesson on this journey of awakening…
There is no “right” awakening. There is only awakening.
I bypass the moment in time, when I tell myself: “I just have to find my tribe now.”; “If I’d just do the work I love…”; “If I only had this partner…”; “If I only had the answer….”; “I just have to live my purpose” – and then I’m going to be fine…
No. That’s not how it works.
To use the words of author David Whyte: “How do you know you are on the path?” The answer is: “When there is no path!”
This is how you know: The path disappears!
As long as there is a sense of a path, the path is an illusion.
It sounds complicated but it is dead-simple: If there is no path, the path is everywhere.
And it’s meeting our ego with RESISTANCE.
As long as we are avoiding the resistance, we will not expand.
How about loving ourselves in that resistance?
How about observing the resistance?
What is there?! Is there really something there or are we making it up?
Going with the flow is amazing but how about making a difference in this world? How about walking hand in hand with the resistance on this planet?
A lot is being said about spiritual awakening.
A lot is being said about rainbows and unicorns.
Not enough is being said about, what can be considered as the shadow side of spiritual awakening. The dark side. The pain of transfiguration.
We can transcend and transmute but we can’t choose “the fun road”.
The work begins where comfort ends.
I don’t say there will never be comfort again, but actually, this is what I do think. There is no such thing as comfort.
It is uncomfortable to watch the deterioration of human kind while being attached to our own identity.
Nevertheless: We can’t fake ourselves into detachment!
I’m not sure if I’m getting this clear here. But I do my very best, because I am facing it first hand within my internal struggle to meet everyone as equals.
To witness all as part of the all and not as a crooked interpretation of my identity. The story of victim-mentality can only be transmuted by surrenderance.
We got to love it.
We are guided even when we are not guided.
It sounds paradoxical: We got to whole-heartedly accept it, be with it and then we will be able to rewire and rewrite the story of humanity.
Do we get anything in return? Hell no!
Do we win the lottery? NO!
Do we get rich? I don’t think that’s the matter.
Waking up is hard. It’s the hardest thing we can experience on this earth and it’s also the most rewarding thing.
The loss of identity does not go hand in hand with ‘cultural success’. Our idea of success has nothing to do with awakening. And that’s the difficult part. We might wake up and all of a sudden we have to find a way to speak to our co-workers, our clients or our boss…
It can be challenging!
The question that arose for me: How can I meet my fellow human beings with respect? How can I embrace the human experience?
The answer is by meeting my own self in my resistance.
“This is the perfect moment to love yourself.”
A valued friend shared her practice with me. The practice of loving myself at every moment.
In guilt, shame and anger. Even in emptiness there is love. There is no loveless emotion and where there is love there is acceptance.
Clarity of Mind
Clarity of mind is the foundation of the life you want.
If you clear your mind, you will clear your sight.
A clear sight will allow you to see yourself.
Questioning Facts
This is a thought experiment. It’s meant to question, not to educate.
So, all information you work with is research-based?
Has it ever crossed your mind that this might be limiting you?
Your loyalty to facts might be limiting your thought process, your intuition, I’d say your reason…. Why?
Because you are thinking within the barriers of other people’s thoughts…
What if the breakthrough lies in the unconfirmed?
What if innovation is what emerges from the unverified?
What if the unseen holds the key to true novelty?
What if the solution is not black or white, but somewhere in between?
What if the unheard-of is the long-awaited answer to questions we’ve been asking for centuries?
Has it ever crossed your mind that your devotion to facts is what’s holding you back – because you can’t know them all?
This is the human predicament.
We think we can know it all, and yet our so-called reasoning is shaped by lenses we didn’t choose. Our perception of reality is based on a vision that’s pre-conceived by conformed lenses.
What might happen if we looked beyond them?
Change Your Rhythm, Change Your Vibration
I had a realization about frequency.
A lot of us talk about raising our vibration.
But what does it really mean to higher our vibration?
Is it really about our ability to spread light?
Or do we want to higher our output?
Sometimes it seems to me that we are really talking about highering our productivity.
To me this is the insanity.
We seem to be driven by achieving more and more and more.
We want to create more impact, more content, more momentum.
And in the meantime? Do we actually achieve more? Do we do what we want to do? Do we create what we really want to create?
For my part, the answer is a clear: no!
I am actually achieving less while trying to achieve more.
Only by slowing down I begin to activate the doer.
Only by slowing down I’m starting to think clearly.
By consciously softening the pendulum swing I move towards my natural rhythm.
By tuning into a slow and dark tone, I’m starting to feel myself, steadily.
This is where I find the home of my creation.
Pruning The Mind
Sometimes you have to cut branches in order to grow and harvest the fruit of your work.
A Place Called Trust
Between dream and doubt there is a place called trust.
Change is Imperative
Change is the single only constant in life.
Adaptation is the norm.
It is crucial for our survival to adapt.
Control is a toxic illusion we fall for.
It’s counter-intuitive because it suffocates our ability to innovate.
If we resist change, we are suppressing an important survival mechanism.
Lifting the Treasures
Yesterday morning I found out that the digging is over.
It’s time to lift the treasures.
Everything is right here. There is nothing to invent or prepare but only to retrieve. Probably it has been that way all along.
Lost or determined? With the bold answer to this short reflective question the year 2024 ended for me.
For the longest time I have labeled myself as lost – until I understood that my ‘getting lost’ is my determination to dig deeper.
It literally came tumbling down on me throughout this New Year’s transition: It is time to lift the treasures!
My own treasures were buried deep down inside beneath disbelief and discontent.
All of these past years I have been digging and digging and digging – until I have discovered light amidst the darkest of tunnels. I have recovered the hidden treasures of my underworld.
Am I lost or determined?
The answer, finally, became so clear to me – I would like to scream it out loud (it has been for a lot of people around me):
I am determined to explore truth!
To me this means to embody all of human nature, all my emotions, every bone, cell and fibre of being alive.
I’m determined to lift the treasures here and now.