Rough Diamonds

I write a bunch of stuff – sometimes the content is useful, sometimes not so much.

In order to process my spiritual and psychological insights I like to create some sort of poetry from time to time. Sometimes it’s just a few words, sometimes it’s a letter and sometimes it’s a whole story.

‘Rough Diamonds’ describes the current state of these snippets of text.

by Uli on Affirmations, Rough Diamonds

24 Hours

I have 24 hours to be my best self.

24 hours to sit with my feelings.

24 hours to settle in with every breath I take.

24 hours to connect with myself first – and then with the world.

24 hours to shine my light.

24 hours to be in service.

24 hours to live my life.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds, Transformation Inventory

The Beginning of Darkness

Like a monstrous burden anxiety suspends me from aliveness.

Sensory input turns into an impenetrable nebula. I can’t distinguish between me and the rest.

A painful transformation disrupts my being. My existence morphs into vacuum.

This time I don’t resist. I sit and breathe. There is only black. I stare into the nothingness.

Is this the beginning or the end?

A void is clearing my chest. The fated moment of surrender has arrived.

Something cracks with a bubbly sound. The next level is here. Subconsciousness ruptures into recognition. Presence reciprocates.

I thought I won’t make it. I thought opium would be the only tranquilizer for my perturbed brain.

But life has other plans. Effortlessly I’m peeling off the old layer. Experience updated its metaphysics.

Life had started again with a new sort of darkness.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Learning To Fly

Sometimes I feel like a bird who has wings, but doesn’t know how to use them.

Maybe this is all about learning to fly?

Spreading the wings is might be the hardest part.

So, what can I do about it? I will just keep practicing.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

The Fear of Creation

The fear of creation – this nagging anxiety is paralyzing my synapses.

Black doubt clouds overcasting the bright sky of ideas.

Is there value in my words or am I lost in self-centeredness?

Is this the desperate attempt to find purpose or am I truly questioning?

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Time to Breathe

Time is money.
Time is flying.
Time is relative.
Time is just an illusion.
Time is space is time.
Time is killing me softly.
Time and time again.
Time is the enemy.

What’s the time?

The time is now.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Become Alive

Boooom – there it is: The here and now. The essence, synchronicity, timelessness – however you want to call or not call it. A sudden energy-flow captivates my body. Within a fraction of a second a harbouring warmth unfolds from my core. I breathe in and out. Something is bursting and broadening – all of a sudden I feel nothing but complete.

I ask myself, how could it NOT be there in the past as I’m obviously a part of it – a part of the omnipresent miracle of life. This staggering big soul revolving around itself within this universe. Nothing more and nothing less.

With eyes wide open I can actually see my surrounding. I can move within my full range of motion. I’m not alone. And I realize that the presence was right here all the time. E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E moment it was there. The “now” was just right here behind this heavy, dusty, filthy curtain of thoughts, doubts and hesitation.

Now the gloom of insanity is lifting. From a place of fear I’m lifting off into my own power. From absence I launch into presence. The doubts are still there but they are crystal clear. If they narrow my field of view I can just look through them. They don’t define my reality anymore.

Life sent me on this quest. Now it reveals its secrets.

Every step, every struggle, every pain had a purpose. At the beginning I had no idea what this is all about. At the very beginning I didn’t even know that this was about something. ‘The mountain without the peak’ seemed inapproachable.

Luckily life equipped me with tools:  My breath is my means of transport that conveys me to the present moment. With my feet I’m able to attempt the climb up the mountain without a peak – one step at a time. There is nothing else to do.

All of a sudden I realize: “I am at the right place at the right time”. – I always was. I am working hard for my dreams. I am actually fulfilling these dreams RIGHT NOW. And I have been fulfilling them since I took my first footstep outside of my comfortzone. I thought I need to choose. I thought I need to decide. “I just have to work harder.” For what? There is nothing to achieve, because it is already there.

Without the slightest idea I catapult myself far out there. Violently and relentlessly. I keep facing the challenges. I keep resisting the temptation of loosing it.

Going crazy is not an option. I roll. I fall. I’m moving on. That’s all. That’s what I’m here for.

I close my eyes. I let it happen. I surrender. There is no safety net, no false bottom. No, there is only the free fall, raw emotions – everything is out of my control. But the path towards the (no-)peak is here in front of me. How could I not see it?