There is something moving inward – and outwardly.
The divine intervention.
I’m the vessel, the means of transformation.
More than anything I’m here to respond.
I’m not in charge. I do not lead. I am the direction.
On the verge, I am that tool.
I am the armour. There is no need to arm myself.
Writing Experiment
Productive Gratitude
There is SO MUCH moving right now. This “stream of consciousness” moved through me just now. So I decided to let it out:
There is a fundamental truth I understood on a different level: We are all the same. We all have the same life force. We are all walking through this life with the same intention: To move energy – no matter if we are aware of it or not.
At the end of the day everyone of us is crucial.
Everyone of us has a purpose – the purpose to just be.
Omg, this purpose is so simple that it literally blows my mind when I try to put it into words, because as soon as I am trying to phrase it, it sounds so pathetic – too simple to be true.
Bizarre and surreal to most human beings who ‘distant’ themselves from aliveness so far off.
Still there is truth no one can deny: We are transforming matter from one state to another. Our emotions are our fuel to transform that matter, because they dictate what we do – short term and in the long run…
There is no human better or worse. There is no one on a higher level. The guru is us – you, me.
There is STILL such a huuuge misconception around the word ‘guru’. There is soooo much resistance created by splitting ourselves apart. We split us apart until nothing is left.
As soon as we’d understand that we are all one, that absolutely no being, no plant, not a single atom on this planet is separate, we’d find peace….
How could we do that? By FEELING OUR FEELINGS fully. And by assisting each other to do the same – safely. Without being judged and without judgment of ourselves.
I know that this is a long way to go. So let’s better start NOW.
If we take the time to just be there for a moment, be present with what and who is.
If we take the time to hold a hand, to look another person in the eyes, to not look through them, THIS is when we are creating change…
“Productive Gratitude” – this is a phrase my mind came up with the other day when I expressed my gratitude towards my fellow “yoga-retreaters” I journeyed with at “The Journey Through The Chakras” by Refeel Yoga.
All of a sudden I felt this huuuuuge connection – to myself, to this group, to the ALL.
And as sudden as this sensation arrived I felt it FOR MY WORK, for any work that I am doing – even the work I don’t love. The daily work. The 9-5. The 24/7. Whatever it is. I felt grateful for it and I DID IT with thankfulness for being able to do it.
If I am expressing my gratitude with EVERY SINGLE ACTION I will inevitably change the world.
How is this possible?
Because I am BECOMING gratitude. And by becoming it I am acting from a place that is not defined by trans-action.
I am doing and I am moving on at the same time (this is a small reference to Tao Te Ching;)
It is NOT easy. Definitely not. It is hard. In order to become gratitude I have to become myself first.
A quest of a life-time – a quest I am forever grateful for.
Namaste 🙏
About ‘Being Spiritual’
The other day somebody asked me “Who is your guru?”
My first reply was: “Me.”
I still think it is accurate.
I thought about the authors I’ve read.
The thousands of hours I had spent on youtube watching videos on ‘spirituality’.
I had learnt a ton and surely my brain is infiltrated with ideas and even feelings that are not mine.
But did I truly ‘learn’ about spirituality from all those mentors?
No.
Life taught me.
I’ve started my path by realizing that I am not able to wash dishes without freaking out. (I mentioned it in my post about the role of mindfulness.) I have started my path by acknowledging my lack of presence, which cut me off life for a very very long time.
Especially in the recent months I have been struggling with this disconnect again A LOT. Anxiety attacks and panic rolled over me like tsunami waves. And I am tired of holding it back. I am tired of pretending to be strong.
Well, that’s a different story (probably a bit of a contradictory one, but I guess that’s why I am here. To reveal the contradictions of ‘being a human’).
Anyway…
What I am witnessing in any community that is drawn to spirituality or to ‘living compassionate’, ‘oneness’, ‘spiritual sovereignty’, ‘you name it’ is that there are many people following an ideology.
By following one ideology they are often times actively discounting everybody else’s ideas or ideologies.
In any case it is somewhat ignorant to only believe in one fixed ‘set of ideas’, because it forecloses learning experiences and ‘aha-moments’. We can learn from anybody, so why not listen to different ideas?
When the ‘corona crisis’ hit I was stuck in India.
I don’t remember fully what I was more angry about: The fact that I knew that I can’t stay there. Or the fact that I have to go back and witness the narrow-mindedness of our society?
I was really really angry. More than ever I am convinced that this was a ‘sacred’ rage. What do I mean by that? I was enraged, because I believe in truth and nothing else. And to me the truth is obvious, but it is impossible to put it in words – a thing I will be pursuing for the rest of my life: to put life in words.
Using the word ‘sacred’ reminds me of where I’m attempting to go with this post:
Spirituality is not about ‘being spiritual’. It is not being spiritual in the sense of following a fixed set of rules or belief systems. And it is not about following one idea or method or practice…
Yes, I have a ton of crystals in my room. And yes, I light a lot of candles over time. And I pray to the universe. But does this make me spiritual?
Hell, no!
What does it mean to be spiritual?
I’m considering myself as ‘spiritual’. I’m spending my time with: developing some sort of discipline to keep my space and my mind clean. Getting my body moving. Eating proper food and drinking enough water. Developing compassion for other human beings by listening to their struggles and to my own struggles with an open heart and without judgement. Hugging trees and connecting with nature…
…and: doing the dishes. 😉
I am encountering ‘spiritual people’ in the same way I am encountering ‘non-spiritual people’. (Whatever that means?) I encounter all of them with curiosity and compassion. (Well, at least I try my very best to do so.)
We all are the freakin’ same! We all are made of the same source!
If you have an idea about what could be right and what could be wrong deep down inside of yourself, if something feels ‘tight’ (or even strangling), really ‘uncomfortable’ in a way that holds you back from getting out of bed on some days….
Then probably YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ALREADY – deep down inside of yourself, but you might close your eyes from it or you don’t honor it….
SO MANY OF US INCREDIBLE BEINGS ARE STILL LOOKING FOR ANSWERS – from the outside world, from gurus, from books, from leaders,…..
And if some or these leaders says something true: “You alone are responsible for your life. You alone can make a choice.”, they get angry or sad or frustrated.
“No, this can’t be it. There must be somebody else making a better choice for me.”
Don’t get me wrong.
I am looking for somebody making choices for me all the f*cking time.
I am a human. A lot of times I am tired or hungry or confused or not willing to make a decision… I, too, want to belong to a tribe – and ‘let them decide’.
But: I don’t blame. I am aware that ‘I can do better’. I can be a little bit more compassionate and understanding towards the person in front of me in this very moment.
I can have a little bit more love radiating from my heart in this very moment.
I can be a little bit more open for the new.
This is ‘being spiritual’.
Compassion is Nothing to Achieve
Compassion is something you grow naturally.
How do you grow it?
By crossing your boundaries – once in a while and realizing that it doesn’t necessarily do you any harm.
By experiencing life outside of your comfort zone you become more sensitive to other people’s comfort zone.
Time after time you will realize that your precious standards are based on a value system that is printed in your genes.
All of a sudden you will see clearly that the life you have built is a reflection of your conditioning. (Yes, I am repeating myself, because you don’t get it. )
Compassion is nothing you earn. Compassion is not a skill. Compassion is also not your virtue. (Well…. Is it? I will think about it.)
Compassion arises in the moment when you give away your power. Compassion is what arises when you can see through this conditioning.
All of a sudden you will be able to look somebody in the eyes and SEE them and treat them like a human being – no matter if they live on the street, no matter if they are black or white, drunk or sober, if they are rich or poor, a sinner or a saint, if they wear a mask or not……..
It is when you stop taking yourself so fucking serious….
When you stop expecting that the world is appearing and behaving accordingly to your anticipation.
Your ego will just drop and you will feel the other.
What we have here is a golden cage and we are desperately searching for that door to get out…
What we don’t understand is that we just have to sit still and let the dust settle.
The door is right there. We just can’t see it because we are stirred up by threat and propaganda.
What does this have to do with compassion?
Everything.
Because as soon as we don’t take our own selves so fucking serious anymore we will realize how ridiculous the restrictions are that we impose on ourselves…
The walls we are building are getting higher and higher.
The paranoia is getting more threatening and threatening because we don’t see what is behind the wall?
We are trying to find a national solution for a global problem…
What we truely need is a connection with our human needs. And these needs don’t have a passport. They don’t have a legal basis. They don’t have regional boarders.
They are just based on compassion for oneself, for our bodies and our minds – for us and for our neighbours…
Amen.
Writing Transformation Challenge 0.1
The longest two weeks of my life are coming to an end. Ok, I’m exaggerating. But man, this was harder than I thought. The idea was to get rid of my notes, but in reality I created so many new ones – of course – because the more I write the more I think and the more I think the more I streamline my insights.
The learning curve is steep, but through this challenge I definitely made the most progress I’ve ever made with any writing experiment. I literally wrote my ass off. But no pain no gain, right?
Nevertheless – I completely under-delivered. This was partly due to my perfectionism, but also because I was quite involved with editing projects and other work.
Instead of 14 articles I published only nine. Six of the 14 days I worked full-time. I visited my parents in my home village and I was living on a campground. I had a lot of social interaction, which drained my energy.
Nonetheless I used every free minute to write – in the subway, waiting for the bus, in the train, before going to sleep…. I spent nearly every spare moment writing.
I’m proud of what I have achieved in these two weeks. This challenge reached depths that I have never suspected and this is all that matters.
Killing The Darlings Fastly
The time restraint of the two weeks definitely forced me to steam down my insights. This made me think sharper. Due to the time pressure I had to ‘kill my darlings’ very fast. What do I mean by that for those who don’t write? I had to shorten and revise my articles faster and this helped me in the process of ‘detaching’ from my writing.
Writing is Growth
I find peace while writing. I love the process of filling a page with my thoughts.
Publishing with the idea to have to revise it ten times afterwards doesn’t satisfy me and it doesn’t improve my writing either. “Learning years are not earning years.” I guess patience is key and as long as I keep going everything is fine.
Pressure shapes a diamond, but it contracts my brain. It is more important to develop a writing routine than forcing myself to press the publishing button. There are things that are just not ‘ripe’ yet.
There is no such thing as ‘finishing an article’. There is always something to add. There will be always ten new articles in the pipeline. And that’s good – as long as the ideas are flowing I’m going to write.
“Writing over publishing”
I wrote between two to ten hours per day, but if I’m tired I better get some sleep. My topics are too fundamental to just pour them out. The range of subjects expands with every article that I write.
It blows my mind what I’m learning from this challenge. Even though my perfectionism screwed up the quantity of my challenge. I’ve never wrote more within two weeks. I feel like a tiny barrier in my head broke. And this is all that matters. I will keep going.
Writing Transformation Challenge 0.0
This is another type of challenge right here. I’m tired of all the notes in my notebook. I’m tired of scrolling through all my endless drafts. Something worthwhile needs time, yes. I got that. But by rewriting an article a hundred of rounds I might lose my original idea and in the end I risk improving for the worse.
Many times I don’t publish only because I think: “That’s not good enough.” “Somebody said this before.” “I can do better.”
Of course I can do better. But when is better good enough? A lot of times I feel like the more I’m trying to improve the more I’m destroying my own writing. I feel like I’m loosing messages that could be worthwhile for somebody.
The other day I went to a writing meetup in Munich. I always like the exchange with other writers. Only now I realize how important it is for my motivation to hear about the broad experience of all these novel authors, script writers, ‘conceptioners’ and comic scribblers.
This time I met Marie from France again and we were talking about a phenomenon: Every so often a book doesn’t get published, because the author changes his or her mind. “I heard this from many publishers.”, Marie contemplated. “You better publish quickly before you can change your mind.”, she encouraged me to silent the judge before it can execute.
The suspicion is close that I’m not brave enough. “I have the feeling you are hiding yourself.”, a couple of weeks ago a friend and potential work partner pointed out to me. And yes, it is true – I am hiding. I’m afraid to publish.
But this blog here is not about me. There are millions of people going through the same things like me – they suffer from anxiety, depression, a broken heart, insecurity, self-doubts, pms, every topic that I address … I have to stop considering my writing as ‘my baby’.
It is my baby in a way, of course. But why am I writing? I’m writing because I want to change perspectives. I change my perspective by reading books, listening to lectures and talking to people. Realistically I’m nothing more than a catalyst of what I read and what I experience in the real life.
These experiences are not unique to me. What is unique is the way everybody processes these experiences. I’m doing it in this way here. Writing is my therapy, creativity is my valve.
I most likely experience real freedom while filling an empty page with my own words. Unfortunately a state of flow is still rather an exception than a rule.
Being a writer is a gift and a curse – however I need to put myself out there in order to fulfill the purpose.
Why do I call it “Writing Transformation Challenge”? I want to develop my own writing style. But by polishing my articles to a point of unrecognizability I kill my style. With this challenge I want to see if pressure makes the diamond…
The goal is to publish a post every day the next 14 days. Day one will be tomorrow.
3 Tricks That Will Boost Your Productivity
I am a procrastinator. Everyday I find excuses, why I’m not able to achieve my goals. Sometimes a dentist appointment is hindering me. On other days time-consuming social commitments are filling my day. On some days I’m just too tired, too lazy, too ‘uninspired’, too hungover, too “busy” with anything else apart from what I actually want to do. There is always something, that holds me back from doing, what really matters to me.
You find yourself in my distractibility? The first step is to ACCEPT, that life is an unpredictable mess sometimes (my life most of the time).
Let’s not resign ourselves to the situation of being a procrastinator. Instead of punishing ourselves for being non-productive and expanding our lack of self-confidence, let’s start to develop strategies! These tricks already helped me.
1. Go for 10-minutes Slots
I’m postponing things ALL THE TIME, but under pressure I can work effectively. So why not produce the pressure myself before the deadline is scratching the neck?
This is an advice I already got from different resources: Go for ten minute time slots! Setting an alarm is not only useful when boiling eggs, but also when you’re brain is bubbling over. Interestingly Blender Guru Andrew Price was my final eye-opener. (Video below)
The trick is to focus on one thing you have to do, one idea or one project. You start the task and within ten minutes you work as fast and intense as you can. After these ten minutes you will notice, how much you can get done within only ten minutes. After these ten minutes you find yourself either highly motivated to keep working (getting into the flow) or you move over to the next task/appointment or commitment. Either way – YOU GOT SOMETHING DONE.
Everybody should watch this video (not only people, who use Blender).
2. Fast Writing
“Writing is thinking” – This is a direct quote from the book “Accidental Genius: Revolutionize Your Thinking Through Private Writing” by Mark Levy, which I read recently.
The key is: The faster you write, the faster you think. According to Levy you have to toss your perfectionism overboard in order to reach the “essence” of your thoughts. You don’t “plan” your thoughts, right? And sometimes you have genius ideas? So why not write down your thoughts exactly the way they leave your brain?
For me this book was groundbreaking in many ways. It didn’t only revolutionize my approach, when writing an article, but also when starting a new project at work. Every project starts with a written concept, so you can apply this trick to a lot of tasks. Combined with the “timer” this trick is your master weapon.
3. Do the First Step Immediately
You are thrilled by an idea. You really want to realize it – but when? I had this feeling with this website. This growth buddy rattled around in my head for a couple of weeks. Than I decided to just buy the domain – Et voilá, the first step was made. Of course, there is still a long way, but every journey starts with the first step, right? In case of this blog, the domain was the first step.
But sometimes you might come up with ideas you can’t realize, because you don’t have the skills or the knowledge. In this case you should share it with a friend or at least write it down in your ideas book or other document – but I highly recommend you to TALK ABOUT YOUR IDEAS. It helps.
Hopefully you find yourself in these tricks. Do you have more advice/resources about productivity? Leave them in the comments.