Sometimes I feel like a bird who has wings, but doesn’t know how to use them.
Maybe this is all about learning to fly?
Spreading the wings is might be the hardest part.
So, what can I do about it? I will just keep practicing.
Life Lessons
Learning To See
“People look at these statues, take selfies but they don’t know what they are looking at.” Since over a week I’m in Florence for no real reason – well, even as a nomad I need to be somewhere at times.
People ask me: “What are you doing here?” Haha, I haven’t seen all the sights of Florence at all, but I had the most intense encounters with the city itself. It forces me to stop. It pulls and pushes me, but mostly it captivates me between its dramatic walls. Within its history it helps me to write mine.
The introductory expression of disgust by a guy that I met on the way made me think. To be fair – I don’t know what I’m looking at either, but I’m paying attention – to the details.
For sure you know this feeling: You move to a new city or a different part of town. On your way to the supermarket a beautiful flower catches your eye on the sidewalk. All of a sudden you notice the ragged garden behind the overgrown fence. How could you not notice this beautiful gem in the middle of your hood?
There is so much to see if we look around. And I’m not only talking about museums, sights or gardens.
A lot of times we are rushing through life not noticing what actually happens around or within us. C’est la vie. That’s life. Yes, but what if we miss important waypoints, because we don’t take the time to actually look around?
Maybe life is only half lived if we rush through it. If we with our western mind always try to calculate instead to observe. Instead of letting a situation speak to us we are making assumptions quickly. Instead of observing we are trying to solve a problem immediately.
Don’t get me wrong – of course we need to target our goals. Of course we need to tackle the challenges of a humans life. But honestly: When was the last time you really spend with just “being” and letting everything else be?
We need to take action, but when do we actually take the time to wait and see? To look and listen? Not only to the other person or to Michelangelos’ David statue but also to difficult situations, to our feelings or our emotional reactions in certain moments. They are there for a reason. Every challenge, every feeling is here for a reason and wants to tell us something.
A lot of times – maybe there is not even any action necessary. Probably this is how we ‘lose track’. By not taking the time to observe and let the insights come to us.
It is all already thought, but the learning process never ends and I’m endlessly grateful.
The Universe Doesn’t Understand “No”
Imagine you grow a tomato plant on your windowsill. You plant the seed and a couple of days later a tiny seedling is making its way towards the sun. Would you think: “This is not a tomato plant.” ?
No, you would water and nurture it. At some point – sooner than later – this plant will carry fruits and provide you with vitamins and minerals.
I get nothing done by being busy telling myself “I’m so unproductive”. My perfectionism clearly is holding me back from growing on any level. I screw myself deeper into the spiral of negative thinking with every negative thought that I phrase.
Instead I need to focus on the progress I already made. Not even this – all I have to do is to set my intention right, the rest will follow. To rephrase this: “We learn despite of ourselves.”. This is something the wise Don Juan is pointing out in Castaneda’s learnings. (“The teachings of Don Juan”) And it is so true – to me still surprisingly true.
Right now I’m not able to make any decisions for the future. I beat myself up and up and up for being so confused and unable to set my target right. Instead I should be grateful for having many opportunities and directions to go – the decision will come by itself anyway as soon as I go along.
It is possible to project this belief on any given situation, any “subject of learning”. The limiting belief of “not having” something [love, money, health, success] is holding us back from receiving it.
This seems to be not my personal problem, but a problem of our western society. We don’t even see the wealth and the opportunities that we have. Instead we always need something more. “I have enough” is the new “I want more”.
Now I’m sitting here in the shine of the candle light. It is early morning of what we define as christmas eve over here on my end of the world. I’m still protected by the dark of the night. I’m a bit irritated, because I don’t understand how this thought could dawn me only now?
But hey, here we go again. There it is again: the limiting belief system. A healthy thought should be: “Thank you for the insight, universe (or who ever feels responsible)”.
This is another example for: “Our thoughts become our reality”. If something is not happening yet, it is still about to grow.
Let’s keep watering the plants. We can only harvest the fruits of the seeds that we sow. Instead of being afraid of creation I turn my fear into creation.
Peace out and merry christmas to everyone!
Accept The Journey
“Accept your journey.” My brain flung out this call in a moment of clarity the other day. The advice was actually addressed to a friend who is suffering from a broken heart. I wanted to encourage him to move forward despite his desperation. Quickly I realized the wisdom behind that simple phrase.
Accepting the journey means accepting the challenges and not questioning them. “Why me?” is always the wrong question. Why you? Because it is your journey. It’s your life. Everybody has their own battles to fight. Some of them might look more brutal, some more relentless than others. But everybody’s obstacles are custom-tailored to their individual power.
Way too often we are taking our own lives and our challenges way to serious. But they are actually a part of us, our life, our purpose. Challenges are not there to punish, but to instruct us.
Massive jolts are rattling my old believe patterns these days. It seems like finally I’m harvesting the fruits of my self-discovery trip. At the same time I’m paying the price with confusion and more questions than ever. What I miss is the fact, that this is my journey. This is what I chose. These are the consequences. This is my way.
Insecurity is what I bought with freedom, dependence on other people is what I ordered with being a nomad. Too many options lead to confusion. Aloneness is what I chose. And my destiny? Is already right here.
This is my path and my destiny. The challenges that I’m facing are the bumpy road conditions. If the road gets narrow it is time to slow down and not to speed up. There is no need to rush. Life happens at its own speed.
Instead of enjoying the journey way too often I’m rushing towards an unknown destination. I’m rushing and rumbling around – chasing what? In the meantime I see the so called “life” rolling by out of the corner of my eye. What if I miss important waypoints? It is time to slow down and take the time to actually look at the map, listen to the intuition (as long as it takes) and just enjoy the view for a moment.
In the meantime? I’m fulfilling my purpose. People expressing me their gratitude. My friends are showing me their trust. Strangers are opening up to me for no reason. I can SEE that I’m making a difference. I published 56 posts on this blog, but I’m still think “I’m not writing anything.”
The path of least resistance is a well-trodden one. Walking your own way demands dedication. I chose my own path and I gonna stick with it at all costs. Do I have a choice? I don’t think so.
“If life gives you a mountain, put on your boots and hike it.”
Flesh And Bone
Did you find yourself now? Finally? After all? What else are you looking for? Why don’t you settle down?
I still don’t know how to answer these questions. But there is something I figured out over the years: There is no “me” to find. “Finding myself” is like finding happiness. The harder I try the less likely I will succeed. This is the paradox about the pursuit of happiness. Either it leads into the presence or it leads nowhere.
Through the years my quest of “finding myself” turned into the challenge of “accepting who I am.” Appreciating my own gifts is as hard as accepting my weaknesses as a part of me. As long as I disregard my nature every attempt to define myself (new) will fail.
The challenge is to bear the fact that I’m just flesh and bones. I’m a human being. I have to take care of my body (and reproduce eventually). I can make great decisions, but at the end they are determined by some higher force. Every action is determined by my nervous system and millions of chemical processes, which are taking place in my body every second. And these processes want to be maintained well.
My body is my physical home, the place where I’m supposed to feel most comfortable. If I won’t find stability inside of me there will be chaos radiating around me.
There is a lot of misinterpretation in the field of ‘personal-development’: There is the idea that there is something to ‘create’. The idea that we can transform ourselves into something better (some hyper human?). The idea that we are the creators of ourselves.
What we neglect is the fact that we are a part of nature. In reality everything is already here. We are already life, light, essence and energy – everything at the same time. We are already perfect. Our purpose is to grow and prosper – just like every other creature on the planet. Everything else doesn’t matter and is not in our power. What we really have to do is to reveal our true selves.
3 Fertilizer for Personal Growth
Alright, this is real life stuff right here. The threesome goes into the next round without mercy. This is the essence of this whole personal development thing on the spot: The willingness to learn, to adapt and to be open for change. What helps us to not stop learning? What keeps us on track on our journey of personal growth?
1. Being Patient
“I can’t do this.” “I’m too stupid.” “This is not for me.” “I will never change.” How many times in my life had this negative believe system prevented me from reaching my personal goals? It took me a long time to really understand that learning is a long process. I don’t learn a language within a day and for sure I don’t change my believe system within a day.
It takes actually a lot of time and it always starts with the first step. A steep learning curve can be frightening, but by doing one step at a time we automatically learn. It’s like climbing a mountain. (Sometimes it’s the mountain without the peak.) We don’t fly to the top. Physical effort is needed and in the meantime the view is our reward.
Patience is crucial for this learning process. Don’t expect to be perfect at anything from the very beginning. Mistakes are not only okay, but necessary to improve and to internalize learnings. This is simply how our brain works. Perfectionism is preventing us from learning.
A couple of weeks ago I published “Fail Fast, Learn Quick” if you feel like diving deeper into this topic.
2. Talking To People
Nowadays every person is exposed to different cultural influences through the media, through work and social relationships. This makes everyone of us a very unique human being. The good thing about being highly individualized is that we can learn a lot from each other – from actual skills to habits through to different ways of interacting with each other.
Every person has a different worldview and every conversation is the opportunity to learn something new. Every encounter with another person can be valuable if we are open to listen closely and ask questions with real curiosity.
3. Embracing the Unknown
“If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you’ve always got.” – After all it is really important that we are opening up to the unknown. Facing new situations, new skills or experiences unbiased and with a positive attitude is the base for personal development.
Sometimes we might face a situation that we never thought we would master. If we maintain a positive mindset in these situations we are going to grow. Considering different perspectives as mentioned before helps us to gain understanding for foreign circumstances.
“You will learn in spite of yourself; that’s the rule.”
Carlos Castaneda from “The Teachings of Don Juan – A Yaqui Way of Knowledge”
My Personal To-Do-List
More than one year ago I published my personal “Not-To-Do-List” , but somehow I withheld the counterpart. I can already tick off a lot of the items. The pursuit of happiness is bearing fruits.
Things I Want To Do
1. Being happy.
2. Being proud of myself.
3. Talking about positive stuff.
4. Exploring my own desires.
5. Living up to my own values.
6. Living the moment.
7. Seeing the good things in every moment.
8. Walking slow.
9. Eating mindful.
10. Focusing on one thing at a time.
11. Being confident.
12. Loving myself.
13. Positive self-talk. (Whatever that is, but it sounds good :))
14. Not smoking.
15. Reading before I go to sleep.
16. Changing my perspective/considering another point of view.
17. Drinking more green smoothies.
18. Stop hesitating.
19. Making decisions.
20. Being committed to my own dreams.
21. Relaxxx.
Things I Want To Think
- “I’m strong.”
- “I can handle it.”
- “I can achieve everything I want.”
- “I can learn everything I want.”
- “I am loved.”
- “I have all the time in the world.”
- “I have a lot of positive energy to share.”
- “I’m happy.”
- “I’m beautiful.”
- “I love myself.”
- “Today is a great day.”
- “Life is great.”
To be continued….
Become Alive
Boooom – there it is: The here and now. The essence, synchronicity, timelessness – however you want to call or not call it. A sudden energy-flow captivates my body. Within a fraction of a second a harbouring warmth unfolds from my core. I breathe in and out. Something is bursting and broadening – all of a sudden I feel nothing but complete.
I ask myself, how could it NOT be there in the past as I’m obviously a part of it – a part of the omnipresent miracle of life. This staggering big soul revolving around itself within this universe. Nothing more and nothing less.
With eyes wide open I can actually see my surrounding. I can move within my full range of motion. I’m not alone. And I realize that the presence was right here all the time. E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E moment it was there. The “now” was just right here behind this heavy, dusty, filthy curtain of thoughts, doubts and hesitation.
Now the gloom of insanity is lifting. From a place of fear I’m lifting off into my own power. From absence I launch into presence. The doubts are still there but they are crystal clear. If they narrow my field of view I can just look through them. They don’t define my reality anymore.
Life sent me on this quest. Now it reveals its secrets.
Every step, every struggle, every pain had a purpose. At the beginning I had no idea what this is all about. At the very beginning I didn’t even know that this was about something. ‘The mountain without the peak’ seemed inapproachable.
Luckily life equipped me with tools: My breath is my means of transport that conveys me to the present moment. With my feet I’m able to attempt the climb up the mountain without a peak – one step at a time. There is nothing else to do.
All of a sudden I realize: “I am at the right place at the right time”. – I always was. I am working hard for my dreams. I am actually fulfilling these dreams RIGHT NOW. And I have been fulfilling them since I took my first footstep outside of my comfortzone. I thought I need to choose. I thought I need to decide. “I just have to work harder.” For what? There is nothing to achieve, because it is already there.
Without the slightest idea I catapult myself far out there. Violently and relentlessly. I keep facing the challenges. I keep resisting the temptation of loosing it.
Going crazy is not an option. I roll. I fall. I’m moving on. That’s all. That’s what I’m here for.
I close my eyes. I let it happen. I surrender. There is no safety net, no false bottom. No, there is only the free fall, raw emotions – everything is out of my control. But the path towards the (no-)peak is here in front of me. How could I not see it?
Commiting Life
Okay life – let’s do this.
Instead of playing hide and seek I’m accepting your challenges.
Instead of distracting myself I’m connecting with your energy as often as I can.
In a state of meditation I am minding my steps, my words and my actions.
But without hesitation I am acting out of consciousness instead of “re”-acting out of fear.
Yes, I throw myself out there. Out of the blue into the deep end.
The blur of my mind will vanish.
Life – I’m taking you in. I let you flow like the waves in the ocean and the clouds in the sky.
You won’t scare me anymore, because you gave me the power.
When I hit rock bottom you gonna lift me up again.
I’m making the most of it – sleepless nights, confusion and heartaches won’t drag me down.
No, I trust you one hundred percent.
Living life to the fullest means a life full of gratitude, full of trust and appreciation.
I commit life not suicide.
Arriving Moments
Sometimes there are these moments that only belong to me.
All of a sudden a burst of energy fills my chest.
A warm smile from the interior arises.
It is one of these moments, when everything feels right.
Life becomes bearable again. All the negativity vanishes in exhilaration.
Absence turns into awareness.
I arrive in the present moment while lifting off into the future of my own history.