Stream of Consciousness

by Uli on Threesome, Transformation Inventory

How to Humble Yourself

Life is full of paradox. In order to “master” our experience here on earth we get to embrace the paradox. We get to understand that we are a part of the whole – THE ALL – nothing more and nothing less.

I wrote about it many times: The role of appreciation and gratitude. The ACCEPTANCE of the “3D”.

Nevertheless there is some universal truth being revealed to me every single day I walk on this earth. I’m doing my best to let it run free…

By now I finally understand why I did not “get” it earlier?! Because I CAN’T GET it. I am not the all. I am a part of it and every single day I experience its manifestations. I am a witness, to (modestly) say the least.

And more and more I can see the beauty in this experience….

Every single day there is some new aspect unfolding in front of my eyes like a delicate leaflet of an unseen flower I have known for an eternity.

And more than ever I am understanding how I have created this experience with intention – intention that I have set in the darkest moments of my life.

How? Yeah, tell me how?

I TRANSMUTED energies…. Nothing more and nothing less. To say it with the hermetic teachings:

“Mastery consists not in abnormal dreams, visions and fantastic imaginings or living, but in using the higher forces against the lower – escaping the lower planes by vibrating on the higher. Transmutation, not presumptuous denial, is the weapon of the Master.”

The Kybalion

What does that mean? We don’t create a new reality by mere imagination.

I can literally feel the resistance towards this truth in my every day encounters and even in the “spiritual community” (If there is such thing. I honestly don’t know…).

I can feel it within myself too! My body forcefully separates me from my imaginations… The further I proceed the more I am forced to let go of the idea that I had about enlightenment or the state of being awake….

So. I decided to give this little piece of advice a go in order to conserve my insights. This is what I recently understood about “the way back” to union.

Don’t take things personal.

This morning on the train I had the urge to start writing this down. “This is not about you. You are a vessel of energy. Nothing more and nothing less. Nothing that ever happens to you has anything to do with you. ”

Our train was delayed and it was unclear if I was able to catch my connecting train – and so did the other passengers. I had a choice: Do I get angry or do I use my time to nap or write or read? The delay of the train was a gift for me. It was definitely not the “evil Deutsche Bahn” or stuff like that. The thing that happened to you or to me. The whaterverness – it is nothing personal. It blows my mind how simple this is….

Give what you have.

So, when nothing ever is something personal why would we obsess about belongings, thoughts or ideas? Let go of greed. Greed only cultivates dark matter. It literally rivets us to the lower planes of reality! I don’t say that you have to give everything away. I don’t. I don’t say to give up all your belongings. But don’t cling to it. Don’t consider it as your security.

Give up the control. You can’t hold on to anything anyways, so why not give what you are capable of giving? I will never forget the moment when I decided to GIVE. Looking back, I think it was the moment when my life started to shift. It was when I was living in a WG and I stopped counting who bought the last toilet paper or filled the salt shaker. It was when I was asked for clothing by a homeless on the street and when I handed a warm puffy jacket to him. It was when I decided to “pay my dues”. What do I mean by that? I received this life. Now, I understood, it was time to give.

Practice GRATITUDE.

This leads me to the next point: It sounds platitudious, I know. However it is crucial. I only understand the meaning of Gratitude NOW. When I learnt to GIVE I simultaneously learnt to receive…

The more I value my experience here on earth the more I value myself – and I mean “the good and the ugly”.

The more I accept that everything is a part of me, the more I am learning to accept myself with all my gifts and my shortcomings (also materialistic ones).

This is something I had to understand – tediously. The word gratitude sounds exploited by our cultural narration. I saw people getting very aggressive when they where invited to be grateful. I want to invite those even more to appreciate what is. Appreciate even your resistance and you will witness how (and what) transforms in front of your eyes!

Take yourself seriously.

This might sound a bit contradictory to the first point I mentioned. What I mean by that is: Take your ABILITIES serious, because they are your GIFTS. This is very connected to the practice of gratitude.

Do what needs to be done. Learn what needs to be learnt. NURTURE your challenges instead of condemning them.

You ARE here for a reason! And you have homework to do. You know exactly what to do. So, go ahead and do it. Appreciate it – seriously!

Follow the signs….

You are always guided. You are never alone. Never. There are the subtleties that show you the way. Sometimes your authentic YES is a hell NO in your mind. So, how do you differentiate? That’s a tricky one. And it is very individual. I think this is about patience. Practice to sit with yourself. Practice to live through your emotions in order to understand their language. Life is constantly talking to you. It is up to you to listen….

That’s it for now.

Enjoy the ride and speak soon <3

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

I Bow to You, Life!

I want to embrace every single moment.
Merge with the beauty of Now.
Return from the realm of phantasy.
Among all the ways I wish to find the way home.
Share my wisdom in silence.
Lay down my arms.
Demolish all resistance.
I want to find the way back with grace – in devotion to life.
Tap into beauty wherever I go.

I give and I take with all my being.
I open up to possibility here and now.
I am.
I arrive.
I offer my full heart to the moment.
I bow to you life.
I connect to source from the core of my being.
I launch the channel.
I receive with every cell of my body.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds, Transformation Inventory

The Subtle Surrender

The power of deconditioning lies in my physical body.
My fabric releases the blockages that are separating my being from aliveness.

All of sudden it is there – without me doing anything about it.

My body is the vehicle for my self-actualization.
It inherits all the knowledge and all the power to transform.
I am able to transform physical matter and this way I am also transforming my mind.

There is the subtle surrender.
The magic’s unfolding.
The clarification takes place.

It all is the divine – the light and the dark.
Everything else is separation.
There is no good and no bad.
All is love.

There is liberation to be found in the tiniest moments as soon as we accept what there is.
If we receive with no expectation, then is the moment we expand our consciousness and we heal the whole earth.

This is an appeal: Can we love and unite without prejudice?

Can we replace judgment with love?

When will we understand that love is not a feeling?
It is an eternal force that is part of our DNA.
It is a prerequisite for evolution.
The opening of our hearts is our chance for union. If we drop our armour, peace takes place.

What’s necessary?
It will be necessary to grief – in communion.
It will be necessary to feel it all to the end.

We can’t deny what belongs to us anyways!
We can’t deny what we have done to ourselves and to our earth and that’s okay.
That’s the plan – our destiny.

Ease into your pain.
Hold yourself tightly.
Be okay with not being okay.
This too shall pass.
You are the divine incarnated with all there is.

I love you.

Random human being

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory, Writing Experiment

Productive Gratitude

There is SO MUCH moving right now. This “stream of consciousness” moved through me just now. So I decided to let it out:

There is a fundamental truth I understood on a different level: We are all the same. We all have the same life force. We are all walking through this life with the same intention: To move energy – no matter if we are aware of it or not.

At the end of the day everyone of us is crucial.

Everyone of us has a purpose – the purpose to just be.

Omg, this purpose is so simple that it literally blows my mind when I try to put it into words, because as soon as I am trying to phrase it, it sounds so pathetic – too simple to be true.

Bizarre and surreal to most human beings who ‘distant’ themselves from aliveness so far off.

Still there is truth no one can deny: We are transforming matter from one state to another. Our emotions are our fuel to transform that matter, because they dictate what we do – short term and in the long run…

There is no human better or worse. There is no one on a higher level. The guru is us – you, me.

There is STILL such a huuuge misconception around the word ‘guru’. There is soooo much resistance created by splitting ourselves apart. We split us apart until nothing is left.

As soon as we’d understand that we are all one, that absolutely no being, no plant, not a single atom on this planet is separate, we’d find peace….

How could we do that? By FEELING OUR FEELINGS fully. And by assisting each other to do the same – safely. Without being judged and without judgment of ourselves.

I know that this is a long way to go. So let’s better start NOW.

If we take the time to just be there for a moment, be present with what and who is.

If we take the time to hold a hand, to look another person in the eyes, to not look through them, THIS is when we are creating change…

“Productive Gratitude” – this is a phrase my mind came up with the other day when I expressed my gratitude towards my fellow “yoga-retreaters” I journeyed with at “The Journey Through The Chakras” by Refeel Yoga.

All of a sudden I felt this huuuuuge connection – to myself, to this group, to the ALL.

And as sudden as this sensation arrived I felt it FOR MY WORK, for any work that I am doing – even the work I don’t love. The daily work. The 9-5. The 24/7. Whatever it is. I felt grateful for it and I DID IT with thankfulness for being able to do it.

If I am expressing my gratitude with EVERY SINGLE ACTION I will inevitably change the world.

How is this possible?

Because I am BECOMING gratitude. And by becoming it I am acting from a place that is not defined by trans-action.

I am doing and I am moving on at the same time (this is a small reference to Tao Te Ching;)

It is NOT easy. Definitely not. It is hard. In order to become gratitude I have to become myself first.

A quest of a life-time – a quest I am forever grateful for.

Namaste 🙏

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Understanding The Patterns

Oftentimes we are so absorbed in our own story.
We claim our suffering to be so unique to us.

It’s not.

It’s historical suffering.

“First you have to understand that your are dreaming all the time,” I don’t remember the full quote of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements”.

But this snippet of wisdom captures it so well.

What we think is reality, is a creation of our thougths. Fully.

When you think about your past and your future? What are you thinking about?

You are thinking thoughts that are conditioned by your upbringing, by the media, by the story you have been told about what is possible and what is not possible…

You are retelling yourself the same story over and over again until you belief that this is reality.

If you’d drop these thougths, what would be possible?

Oh my god, there is soooooo much revelation taking place right now.

I know that you are experiencing the similar.

It is the removal of the roadblocks.

For some of us it is a painful removal. Like a surgical intervention.

For some it is smooth – the most natural process. Like the opening of a flower.

One has to deal with freedom. It can be painful to let go of the patterns.

Painful to understand that all the turmoil was created in your head in the fist place.

The anger and frustration is what comes up. But then there is the relief. Laughter. The dance of joy!

You freakin’ did it!!!

And yes, it was that simple.

Nevertheless there is no reason to shame yourself.

You had to live through it all in order to become aware of the lessons.

What is happeing to me?

I’m becoming aware of the lightness I am built of.
All density is created.
All trauma is imposed – partly self-imposed.

I am able to forgive myself and everyone around me.
Because we are all the result of our circumstances. And we are all lovable with everything we are.

There is no one to blame.
So I take action whole-heartedly.

I stand up. I stand in my power for once and for all. With you.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds, Transformation Inventory

The Magic of No Expectation

Drop your expectations completely.
This is how everything resolves.
No strings attached.
There is nothing to expect.
No outcome is ever the same.
Expect absolutely nothing.

Oh my god I found the key to everything. How could I not understand this all the way?

I am LOADED with expectation.
Expectation of how I should feel.
Expectation of how I ought to react.
Expectation of what I am about to make sense of…

The solution is to let it all go.
To enter into a state of meditation in every single moment of my life with every single cell of my body.

I let the appreciation flow through me and connect the dots of being alive.

My cells, my lungs, my body. The air. Nutrients. All of it belongs to me like I belong to this earth.

Nothing’s hard without expectation.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Collective Purging

Today is a day of insights, a morning of stream of consciousness.

It is one of those moments when I understand that I am not doing it for me. I am not walking the path for the sake of walking it. I am not even sure if I am walking it.

I am experiencing transformation because my life experience is crucial for the life experience of everyone around me – everyone I influence with my being.

What I am talking about here is not my professional influence or what I am saying or not saying within my social relations. It is not about my writing, because this is what I am doing for myself.

It is about how I show up energetically (or not).

Recently there seems to be a challenging time for a lot of us.

I can feel the collective purge – the RELEASE of “old” emotions or life experience.

I witness it first hand by witnessing the processes of my friends.

The unbearable breaks open.

What was closing off is what is causing the opening – of “the path” and of the heart…

New beginnings appear on the horizon. Out of nowhere.

And what is beyond the horizon is unknown.

And that is where we want to go:

There is this big big big misconception around the spiritual path.

There seems to be some sort of cultural narrative (maybe it is within my perception because I am part of the narrative, which makes it even more pressuring to share this thought as unfiltered as possible.)

The narrative is being told on social media platforms. The images shown are flawless. The spiritual path seems to be paved with beauty. It appears to be a chronological process – and incorporation of THE beauty.

But guess what?

THIS IS NOT THE PATH.

The path is beauty, yes.

But “the way” is hard.

Yes, there are the souls that are awake. They are born into awake beings.

But, we, us, the ones who are reading this (I reckon’) are the ones who have to eat the sh*t.

We have to plough that dirt – the most nourishing ground that we have. Our beautiful ugly life experience, our suffering that is us.

It is within us.
It’s our feelings, our wrong-doings, our mistakes, our painfully covered truth that’s sooo crooked. It hurts.

The old skin that wants to be shed but it is so “intergrown” with our lives, entangled with our conditionings.
There is one thing I am more certain than ever: There is no way around it. The untangling is what will release a ton of energy. We know it deep down inside (not as far down as we think).

Our imagination can help us to give the push, but we have to make the move and trust.

The thing about that is: There is no reason not to trust.

This reminds me of a quote I read in a philosophy magazine called “Hohe Luft”: “Being satisfied with life can be an act of rebellion in times where thriving to be the best version of ourselves became the way of being.”

To trust is also an act of rebellion in times where deterioration is everything that is being broadcasted.

And the counter movement? Is BLINDFOLING our true feelings – burrying the truth….

The thing is: We don’t need a movement. All we need is to trust in our own abilities. And with abilities I mean the gifts that we have inherited, our DNA that is allowing us to receive information and process information within our physical body.

YES, our truth IS our feelings.

Trust exists independently from what is going on in the external.

Truth is subsisting. It is us.

Yes, I am saying: “TRUST! NO MATTER WHAT!”

Trust – whatever feeling arises.
Trust – no matter which decision is “the right” decision.
Trust – in your sadness, in your despair, in your anger, even – in your addiction or let’s say in “your awareness of your addiction”.

TRANSFORM IT BY BEING IT. LIVE THROUGH IT. This is how you overcome it.

It is so simple that I would like to scream it from the top of my lungs.

I invite trust.

I invite you to purge all of your emotions, to go all in, to feel it all and move on. You will see the next step. Help will appear out of nowhere.

You are never alone.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Step Into The Flow

“What’s missing?”

This question had been nesting in my subconscious mind for the past couple of days (or even weeks).

What kept my head in the clouds?

Why was I unable to make a decision?

A subtle fear of the fear kept creeping in…

Desperately I was pushing myself.

Towards clarity.
Towards an answer.
Towards release.

I found myself trying to figure it all out.

Two days ago, spontaneously, I went to a writing meet-up.

During this meet-up called “Shut Up & Write” we dedicate one hour to focussed writing.

In the introduction round I was all fired-up. For the first time in a while I felt super excited about writing my heart out: “I will finally give it ago and do some stream of consciousness today.” I announced with a solar smile. I felt the urge to just hit the keyboard and go for it…

When the timer started, I was not able to finish even one sentence.

From one moment to the other I tensed up and could barely type a thing.

I started to reorganize some past writing – and I tensed up even more.

“What’s the point of all of that?”

The casual question for purpose made me close my laptop.

The next morning I had a conversation with my boyfriend. I was ruminating about career decisions and life in general.

He said: “While you think all these thoughts, watch your breath.”

“I am not breathing at all,” I countered with a trace of outrage.

“Right, if you look that closely at every moment you don’t have time to breathe – and you don’t experience the moment either. Just let it flow.”

He left me in awe.

Open-mouthedly I starred at the wall.

All of a sudden I understood what was missing the day before – at the writing meet-up… And all these previous days when I felt trapped in my own head – waiting for release that never comes.

FLOW.

The flow of breathe – not despite but united with my thoughts.

I took a breath and finally surrendered to the moment….

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Thoughts on Arrival

In the absence of thought there is only peace.

I walk towards S-Bahn-Station Berg am Laim.

As many times before I pass the two huge chestnut trees in front of the house I live in.

I did not consciously notice the first one.

The second one lays its branches around my shoulders like protective wings.

A few meters ahead I cross the street and I pass the bus station as I did many times before.

“Something’s changed,” a thought appears somewhere beyond my mind.

Emptiness.

There is a void.

But this time it’s different.

There is no fear gripping, no doubt holding my heart hostage.

My legs are moving effortlessly.

The weight of my backpack does not drag at all.

“There is ground beneath my feet,” I observe clearly.

I share my contemplation with my friend Antje.

“This must be this famous now.”

Yes.

There it was – “the now” – unspectacular but nothing less fullfilling than a cup of morning coffee.

Earlier this week I had a discussion with another friend on “judgment”.

She proclaimed: “While you are tasting a wine, what’s the purpose of labeling the taste?”

Right, what difference does it make? Dry or sweet? Red or white? If you made “the best deal” or not? If you chose right path or not? If you made the right decision or not? If you catch the next train or not?

Of course it makes a difference!!

But does it help you to arrive?

I don’t think so.