The map is laid open.
The land is free.
There is only love and security.
I’m a part of the net, a part of the whole.
There is no way to take control.
There is only life – no questions no doubts.
So I lift my head up – up into the clouds.
The Path
Beyond Pain Lies Compassion
Okay – as this is a writing experiment I’m going to be brave today on “Day Two” of my “Writing Transformation Challenge”. Straight out of my notes from this morning:
How to do the work? How to look at life with compassion and fearlessness?
It means to look at ALL situations as part of THE enlightenment (process). More precisely: All situations ARE enlightenment.
The transformation takes place if we use all situations.
It doesn’t matter if the water is hot or cold. It doesn’t matter if we sleep alone or in a room with 20 people. It doesn’t matter if we call anything material our own or not.
The transformation takes place as soon as we are no longer afraid to lose it all.
Uncomfortable situations are our means of transport in order to accept / embody our non-being / detachment. But for this we have to give up our comfort.
We have to lose our necessities, our desires, our pride. Because all these things are trivial. They are rooted in our ego. And our ego keeps us trapped.
As long as we are wanting to ‘receive’ we only feed our ego. Why? Because this is the wrong focus.
We receive nothing before we are connecting with the warmth of compassion, the warmth of unconditional love, because this is compassion. We receive when we give. And I mean really give – without expecting any reward.
When we are able to shine our light even though we just went through the deepest emotional pain, this is when we reached unconditional love.
We are able to shine our light when all the masks are falling. If we are unmasking all the lies we are telling ourselves.
As long as we are looking for protection we cling to our desires and we are closing ourselves off from compassion – the true source of energy.
Of course I’m writing this all from the perspective of a westerner. I have in fact nothing to worry about. But exactly because of this I have to be willing to give it all up. It is my obligation to go further, because other people can’t. They are born into oppression, poverty or starvation.
Compassion for all beings includes compassion for our own selves.
You may ask: But how can I be compassionate with myself?! If this is your question (as it is mine) you are still a victim to the wrong ideals. You didn’t take the time to find what nourishes you.
You are still ‘not there’. You haven’t opened the door yet. The real door is still closed and you are hoping for ‘release’ from the external.
This release doesn’t come as long as you are lying to yourself. As long as you chase and rush and hustle you get blinded by superficiality.
I chose the path. I saw too much. I felt too much. I can’t ‘go back’.
This is why I reply ‘I really don’t know’ when somebody asks me ‘What do you want?’.
I’m not doing this ‘for fun’. I’m not running away.
What I know is that this is not about me.
It’s about us.
Getting in touch with our fears is something we are forced to. We are facing loss, illness and physical pain. From the moment we are born we are used to suffering.
The secret is to re-discover the compassion that connects and comforts us all – behind the pain.
The pain is only one side of the coin. The other is compassion.
‘To free ourselves from all fear we must touch the ground of our being and train ourselves to look directly into the light of compassion.’, says Thich Nhat Hanh.
The real question is not: How to overcome the pain, but how to find compassion beyond the pain?
Desiring The Non-Desirable
I’m desiring the non-desirable.
I’m wanting the non-wantable.
By desiring desirelessness I’m getting more trapped in the entanglements of my own mind.
By willing to un-control I’m debilitating my power.
My senses are numb and my heart is tight from all the wanting and needing.
The day-to-day struggle: ‘Am I finding release today?’ becomes the biggest burden.
Can I disrupt my will with the tools I discovered? Or will I keep winding myself in my own misery instead of welcoming the mystery of life (with open arms)?
I can control my mind, but I can’t control life. I understand this but I lack the humility to embody it. I can cope with life but I can’t rule it.
By trying to ‘understand’ it ALL I’m blocking my connection.
I still think I’m freeing myself, but I entomb myself in the depths of my skull.
Detachment is as far away as on day one.
But you know what?
I’m not going to give up. I will keep asking. I will keep suffering until I finally find rel(ease).
Yes – I’m learning to relax.
Yes, I’m finding trust and comfort within my own self.
I will love myself and everything around me in the most humble way – like a child loves her mother and a mother loves her child.
The devotion to the essence. – This is not a mission, this is my real life purpose.
I will stick to the places where the magic happens.
I will pour myself out there until there is nothing left inside of me.
The Only Way
The only way to get on your way is to get out of your way.
Accept The Journey
“Accept your journey.” My brain flung out this call in a moment of clarity the other day. The advice was actually addressed to a friend who is suffering from a broken heart. I wanted to encourage him to move forward despite his desperation. Quickly I realized the wisdom behind that simple phrase.
Accepting the journey means accepting the challenges and not questioning them. “Why me?” is always the wrong question. Why you? Because it is your journey. It’s your life. Everybody has their own battles to fight. Some of them might look more brutal, some more relentless than others. But everybody’s obstacles are custom-tailored to their individual power.
Way too often we are taking our own lives and our challenges way to serious. But they are actually a part of us, our life, our purpose. Challenges are not there to punish, but to instruct us.
Massive jolts are rattling my old believe patterns these days. It seems like finally I’m harvesting the fruits of my self-discovery trip. At the same time I’m paying the price with confusion and more questions than ever. What I miss is the fact, that this is my journey. This is what I chose. These are the consequences. This is my way.
Insecurity is what I bought with freedom, dependence on other people is what I ordered with being a nomad. Too many options lead to confusion. Aloneness is what I chose. And my destiny? Is already right here.
This is my path and my destiny. The challenges that I’m facing are the bumpy road conditions. If the road gets narrow it is time to slow down and not to speed up. There is no need to rush. Life happens at its own speed.
Instead of enjoying the journey way too often I’m rushing towards an unknown destination. I’m rushing and rumbling around – chasing what? In the meantime I see the so called “life” rolling by out of the corner of my eye. What if I miss important waypoints? It is time to slow down and take the time to actually look at the map, listen to the intuition (as long as it takes) and just enjoy the view for a moment.
In the meantime? I’m fulfilling my purpose. People expressing me their gratitude. My friends are showing me their trust. Strangers are opening up to me for no reason. I can SEE that I’m making a difference. I published 56 posts on this blog, but I’m still think “I’m not writing anything.”
The path of least resistance is a well-trodden one. Walking your own way demands dedication. I chose my own path and I gonna stick with it at all costs. Do I have a choice? I don’t think so.
“If life gives you a mountain, put on your boots and hike it.”
Become Alive
Boooom – there it is: The here and now. The essence, synchronicity, timelessness – however you want to call or not call it. A sudden energy-flow captivates my body. Within a fraction of a second a harbouring warmth unfolds from my core. I breathe in and out. Something is bursting and broadening – all of a sudden I feel nothing but complete.
I ask myself, how could it NOT be there in the past as I’m obviously a part of it – a part of the omnipresent miracle of life. This staggering big soul revolving around itself within this universe. Nothing more and nothing less.
With eyes wide open I can actually see my surrounding. I can move within my full range of motion. I’m not alone. And I realize that the presence was right here all the time. E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E moment it was there. The “now” was just right here behind this heavy, dusty, filthy curtain of thoughts, doubts and hesitation.
Now the gloom of insanity is lifting. From a place of fear I’m lifting off into my own power. From absence I launch into presence. The doubts are still there but they are crystal clear. If they narrow my field of view I can just look through them. They don’t define my reality anymore.
Life sent me on this quest. Now it reveals its secrets.
Every step, every struggle, every pain had a purpose. At the beginning I had no idea what this is all about. At the very beginning I didn’t even know that this was about something. ‘The mountain without the peak’ seemed inapproachable.
Luckily life equipped me with tools: My breath is my means of transport that conveys me to the present moment. With my feet I’m able to attempt the climb up the mountain without a peak – one step at a time. There is nothing else to do.
All of a sudden I realize: “I am at the right place at the right time”. – I always was. I am working hard for my dreams. I am actually fulfilling these dreams RIGHT NOW. And I have been fulfilling them since I took my first footstep outside of my comfortzone. I thought I need to choose. I thought I need to decide. “I just have to work harder.” For what? There is nothing to achieve, because it is already there.
Without the slightest idea I catapult myself far out there. Violently and relentlessly. I keep facing the challenges. I keep resisting the temptation of loosing it.
Going crazy is not an option. I roll. I fall. I’m moving on. That’s all. That’s what I’m here for.
I close my eyes. I let it happen. I surrender. There is no safety net, no false bottom. No, there is only the free fall, raw emotions – everything is out of my control. But the path towards the (no-)peak is here in front of me. How could I not see it?
Live Now
The quest is the pursuit of happiness. The reward is the present moment.
Blind Ends
Sometimes all we see are blind ends.
Instead of checking the map, we are dreaming about the destination.
Instead of adjusting our route, we remain paralyzed.Our map is spaciously dimensioned for us.
Even if the tracks seem alarmingly narrow at times, all that is narrow is our mind.
We tip-toe in dread and doubt, but we truly wander in awe and admiration.
Drop the package.
Tie your shoes.
Free your mind.And keep walking – light-heartedly, not heavy-headedly.
Wake Up Call
Our human nature had turned into a monstery “thing” headed by technological progress, productivity and consumption. From early on we are programmed to act “economically”. Productivity became our purpose, “consuming” our occupation and “being busy” our obsession – Thinking became a rarity.
We consider ourselves to be safe as long as we “fit in”, but in reality the system oppresses us. It oppresses us until we feel nothing but fear – let’s call it “glorified slavery”. Our inability of feeling something else than fear makes us unable to make our own decisions.
We live in fool’s paradise. Instead of learning to think for ourselves we are getting lost in diversion. Like an addict we jump head over heels from one temporary satisfaction to another not noticing, how we are already trapped in a vicious circle.
We fill our lives with a lot of responsibilities, but we forget to take responsibilty for our own life. Instead of listening to our inner voice we are only listening to the call of duty. We are working at least eight hours a day for dubious purposes, we are saving money for our pension hoping for a happy end, but do we live in the meantime? Are we truly alive?
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”
Albert Einstein
We disregard our nature. This way we will never reach our full potential as a human being. What do I mean by that? I’m not talking about our economical potential. I’m talking about our potential to spread love, care for each other, to make each other smile, to ease each others pain.
Between industrialization and digitalization we lost one essential thing: Love. We lost our ability to truly love and truly be loved.
There is not one person, one government, one country, one continent responsible. We are responsible – it is up to us. Do we want to keep on carrying the destructive heritage of our forefathers? I don’t.
“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
Carl Jung
Let’s share our knowledge and become experts of life again. Let’s rediscover our senses and finetune our intuition. Let’s update our consciousness instead of our mobile phone apps. Let’s cherish our human relations, patch our social network (in the real world), stop exploiting our planet like there is no tomorrow and finally cure our own lives.
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
R. Buckminster Fuller
We can only change the world, if we change ourselves first. It all starts with positive thinking. This is the reason, why I’m willing to change my destructive behaviors. Self-destruction is the beginning of the end. A new world order arises from positivity not from productivity.
Let’s stop following the beaten track and leave our own footprints.
Dissolution
Sometimes I feel like I’m not experiencing the world, but I’m absorbing it. It feels like all the external influences are dissolving my body and my whole existence into nothingness.